Not to be mistaken for Barney Calhoun.
This is the child-eating dinosaur. If you were looking for the man that still owes Gordon Freeman a beer, then go to the link above. If you were looking for the man that still owes Homer Simpson 9001 beers, then go see Barney Gumble. If you were looking for the man that still owes Fred Flintstone a box of Fruity Pebbles, then go here. If you're looking for the legen-wait for it-dary guy, then go see Barney Stinson.
|This isn't any anti-Barney picture. This is THE anti-Barney picture.|
|Home:||Barney's Top Secret HQ|
|Death:||He ate himself, but respawned. He Popped.|
|Dislikes:||The Color Purple|
|Education:||He runs a school, but they teach how to eat people.|
|Occupation:||Jumping up and down and Murdering Teletubbies|
|Known For:||Being Extinct|
Barney is a stupid and evil purple dinosaur who has several restraining orders made against him. He likes killing small things, like the Oompa Loompas and cute, innocent kittens. He was sent by Bowser to get Lotsa Spaghetti from Malleo in Mama Luigi's shame called: Mama Luigi's Mansion. He also time traveled a lot and met with the dinosaurs from long ago, but never once did he try to stop the Asteroid from hitting Earth. This could be the reason why he is evil, as he is one of the last Dinosaurs alive.
He is also a child eater.
He uses his Evil Mind Control to convince little kids that he is not evil and that his wicked, ancient rituals are nothing but innocent songs and dances. After they turn the cameras off, he devours them in front of the whole production crew, who are the ones who helped feed his vicious, murderous cycle. He does this for sport, not for food, though. When hungry, he will simply eat Pickles and Nachos. Sometimes he may snack on Innocent Children, sure, but that is because his diet lacks fiber.
Barney lives at Barney's Top Secret HQ with his minions Baby Bop, BJ, and Riff. He plots his next attacks there. He enjoys using his Technology to conquer the world. He has never conquered the world, but just you wait!
He is purple due to a radioactive explosion that took place during Radioactive Man's rampage. He uses his purpleness to make people see purple. Then he EATS THEM! If he doesn't eat them, he roll them in bread crumbs, cooks them at 350 or until golden brown, puts them in the refrigerator, and reheats them for later.
Barney was born in some ancient time a long time ago. He lived in Ancient Sesame Street while he was a regular dinosaur, but was chased out by cavemen. He then went to a different street, and claimed it as HIS territory!
Eventually, children were invented, and he started eating them. This became a sort of hobby. He started eating more children than everyone else combined!
He opened a store called "Barney's Store", and nobody knows what he sold there. It closed down after the Police went in, so Barney ate them. He then turned into a super-dino, and destroyed everything in his path.
Barney now continues his job of eating innocent kids while avoiding attention from the police (because he eats them). A jihad started against him called "The Jihad to Destroy Barney".
He can be summoned anytime by saying the ancient Tamaranean incantation:
Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination;
and when he's tall he's wiping out the human population
So, you don't want to say that unless you want Barney to show up and eat you whole. Which he does A LOT.
However, on Thanksgiving '97, he was acting as one of the balloons in the parade, so he can collect some of his victims. Then, a strong wind blew Barney to a lamp post, which proceeded to impale him! THE HORROR!
Since Barney was acting like a balloon, all of his insides spewed out, and he DIEd. Apparently, he can't respawn because he owes Shaggy Rogers 5,000 Scooby Snacks, but... he has already paid 69,420, he will be back someday
Proof of Barney's Evil
- The character of Barney is well-described as a "cute purple dinosaur".
- The former Latin alphabet used the letter V in place of U.
- Therefore the above phrase is modified to "cvte pvrple dinosavr".
- Letters that do not represent Roman numerals are removed, leaving: "c v v l d i v"
- When the remaining numbers 100, 5, 5, 50, 500, 1, and 5 are added, the result is 666.
- This also works with "lovable purple dinosaur". This gives the letters "l v l v l d i v", which in turn gives 50, 5, 50, 5, 50, 500, 1, and 5, which also add up to 666.
- Despite being imprisoned at The German Prison, Barney was once the warden, but was fired by Hitler's Clone for letting prisoners free.
|Forgotten Stanza||Barney comes to play with You whenever you are pissing,|
and his laser breath will kill you if he sees you slipping
DO NOT EAT AT ALL COSTS, side effects include vomiting, explosive diarrhea, being possessed by multiple demons, AIDS, your eyes popping out, bones randomly breaking, seizures, and exploding and it tastes like the p-BANG
Don't worry, kids, you can