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Bank Robbery is the eighth episode in the first season of The Super Wario Bros. Wah-wah Show!

SUMMARY

After spending all their money without realizing it, Wario and Waluigi gotta make some easy cash or else they're fucked.

CHARACTERS

  • Wario
  • Waluigi
  • Some tiny moron that nobody cares about
  • Dry Bones
  • Toad

SCRIPT

Wario is sitting on the couch, watching TV and eating a bowl of popcorn, with butter practically drowning the damn stuff. Waluigi comes in, red with anger. He holds up a print-out of cash transactions from Wario's PayPal.

Waluigi: HEY! THE FUCK IS THIS?!

Wario: Does every episode have to start with your lanky ass waltzing into the room?

Waluigi: No. In fact, the last one didn't have us at all--

Wario: WHAT'D I SAY ABOUT BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL?!

Waluigi: S-Sorry! Wait... Wait, no! I'm not sorry! Look at this paper!

Wario stares at the paper for 15 seconds longer than he needs to.

Wario: We have lots of money...?

Waluigi: We HAD lots of money and you fucking SPENT it, you goddamned idiot!

Wario: Cool it, District 75 dropout. I used some funds on a new TV. All we gotta do is get more.

Waluigi: Get MORE? We're not rolling in the green, boss, we're using a fair amount of it on this war, and we're running out of funds quickly! We can't go back on welfare!

Wario: We're not GOING to.

Waluigi: ...huh?

Wario: We're gonna rob the bank.

Waluigi gasps in excitement.

Waluigi: You mean...?!

Wario: That's right. Just like the good ol' days. Classic Wario Bros. heist.

Waluigi: Holy shit, we're really doing it! Lemme get our masks...

Wario and Waluigi put on their old ski masks they used for robberies.

Waluigi: This smells like shit.

Wario: Oh, that's where that jizz rag went!

Waluigi: ...you are fucking vile.

Cut to the exterior of the bank. Wario and Waluigi stand outside, each wielding a gun.

Wario: Let's get some war funds.

Waluigi kicks the door to open it. He clutches his foot and wails in pain.

Waluigi: AAAAAGGHH! WHAT THE FUCK?!

Wario: Are you fucking slow? It's a pull door.

Wario pulls the door open and drags Waluigi inside with him.

Wario: EVERYBODY BE COOL, THIS IS A ROBBERY!

Waluigi jumps to his feet.

Waluigi: ANY OF YOU FUCKING PRICKS MOVE, AND I'LL EXECUTE EVERY MOTHERFUCKING LAST ONE OF YOU!

The bank is completely empty. Only a mustached Toad wearing a top hat sits behind the desk as the teller.

Waluigi: Well, the Pulp Fiction route didn't work.

Wario and Waluigi walk up to the Toad, both guns pointed at him.

Wario: DARME EL DINERO, AMIGO!

Teller: Sorry guys, I can't give you that money. We just got robbed 5 minutes before you guys showed up.

Waluigi: ...

Wario: ...qué...?!

Teller: Yeah, some weird skeleton guy and his troops. Called themselves... the... Cooper Dynasty or something--

Waluigi: The Koopa Dynastia!

Wario: Those FUCKERS!

Teller: You know them?

Wario: We're locked in a war right now, actually.

Waluigi: Looks like we gotta make another move on them. With some cold, hard lead.

Wario: Let's get the fuck outta here. Hope you get your money back, bank teller guy!

Teller: Thanks!

Wario: So we can rob you next week!

Teller: Thanks...

Wario and Waluigi exit. As soon as they do, the Toad takes off the mustache and top hat, revealing...

Some tiny moron that nobody cares about: WE GOT 'EM!

Dry Bones comes out from underneath the desk, joyful.

Dry Bones: YES! OUR PLAN WORKED! That stupid Drop Dead Wario Team won't know what hit 'em...

TRIVIA

  • While the plot of Bank Robbery strays away ever so slightly from the story of the original Robbing the Bank episode (with a few references and callbacks), the remade version adds more to the main lore of the show.
  • This is the first episode written by WarioWahWahShow.
  • The movie Wario was watching on the TV was the recent remake of The Hitcher, one of the worst movies known to man, woman, and child.
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