Bank Robbery is the eighth episode in the first season of The Super Wario Bros. Wah-wah Show!
Wario is sitting on the couch, watching TV and eating a bowl of popcorn, with butter practically drowning the damn stuff. Waluigi comes in, red with anger. He holds up a print-out of cash transactions from Wario's PayPal.
Waluigi: HEY! THE FUCK IS THIS?!
Wario: Does every episode have to start with your lanky ass waltzing into the room?
Waluigi: No. In fact, the last one didn't have us at all--
Wario: WHAT'D I SAY ABOUT BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL?!
Waluigi: S-Sorry! Wait... Wait, no! I'm not sorry! Look at this paper!
Wario stares at the paper for 15 seconds longer than he needs to.
Wario: We have lots of money...?
Waluigi: We HAD lots of money and you fucking SPENT it, you goddamned idiot!
Wario: Cool it, District 75 dropout. I used some funds on a new TV. All we gotta do is get more.
Waluigi: Get MORE? We're not rolling in the green, boss, we're using a fair amount of it on this war, and we're running out of funds quickly! We can't go back on welfare!
Wario: We're not GOING to.
Wario: We're gonna rob the bank.
Waluigi gasps in excitement.
Waluigi: You mean...?!
Wario: That's right. Just like the good ol' days. Classic Wario Bros. heist.
Waluigi: Holy shit, we're really doing it! Lemme get our masks...
Wario and Waluigi put on their old ski masks they used for robberies.
Waluigi: This smells like shit.
Wario: Oh, that's where that jizz rag went!
Waluigi: ...you are fucking vile.
Cut to the exterior of the bank. Wario and Waluigi stand outside, each wielding a gun.
Wario: Let's get some war funds.
Waluigi kicks the door to open it. He clutches his foot and wails in pain.
Waluigi: AAAAAGGHH! WHAT THE FUCK?!
Wario: Are you fucking slow? It's a pull door.
Wario pulls the door open and drags Waluigi inside with him.
Wario: EVERYBODY BE COOL, THIS IS A ROBBERY!
Waluigi jumps to his feet.
Waluigi: ANY OF YOU FUCKING PRICKS MOVE, AND I'LL EXECUTE EVERY MOTHERFUCKING LAST ONE OF YOU!
The bank is completely empty. Only a mustached Toad wearing a top hat sits behind the desk as the teller.
Waluigi: Well, the Pulp Fiction route didn't work.
Wario and Waluigi walk up to the Toad, both guns pointed at him.
Wario: DARME EL DINERO, AMIGO!
Teller: Sorry guys, I can't give you that money. We just got robbed 5 minutes before you guys showed up.
Teller: Yeah, some weird skeleton guy and his troops. Called themselves... the... Cooper Dynasty or something--
Waluigi: The Koopa Dynastia!
Wario: Those FUCKERS!
Teller: You know them?
Wario: We're locked in a war right now, actually.
Waluigi: Looks like we gotta make another move on them. With some cold, hard lead.
Wario: Let's get the fuck outta here. Hope you get your money back, bank teller guy!
Wario: So we can rob you next week!
Wario and Waluigi exit. As soon as they do, the Toad takes off the mustache and top hat, revealing...
Some tiny moron that nobody cares about: WE GOT 'EM!
Dry Bones comes out from underneath the desk, joyful.
Dry Bones: YES! OUR PLAN WORKED! That stupid Drop Dead Wario Team won't know what hit 'em...
- While the plot of Bank Robbery strays away ever so slightly from the story of the original Robbing the Bank episode (with a few references and callbacks), the remade version adds more to the main lore of the show.
- This is the first episode written by WarioWahWahShow.
- The movie Wario was watching on the TV was the recent remake of The Hitcher, one of the worst movies known to man, woman, and child.