Note that the transcription below follows two women as they examine an Arcadius Gamius.
Hey.. what the hell is this thing? Woman 1
I.. don't know. I've stayed here for many years and never noticed THIS. Woman 2
I'll go check it out. Woman 1
WOAH, THERE! Don't you think that would be dangerous? Woman 2
Don't worry, I'll be fine! I'll just see what this thing does and- Woman 1, before getting killed by toxins
Arcade Machines (also known as Arcadius Gamius) are a primitive species and mysterious inanimate specimens only 80s and 90s kids know about. It is a primitive machine that predates even the Nintendo Entertainment System and its following consoles. It does NOT however predate the Atari 1300 and generally has almost no information on it. As famous historians and scientists are currently attempting to pinpoint the year of origin of these species, they have been unsuccessful so far. However, as we know it does not predate the Atari 1300. As such, we can estimate it originated around 999999999994 B.C and 999999999979 B.C, albeit in small amounts.
As said above, the species were not really widespread until many centuries after their creation. As the historians have attempted to describe it, the amount of Arcade Machines in the world massively grew around 9999999920 A.C and slowed down around 9999-something D.C. Information is so unknown that in fact, the first ever seen Arcade Machine was just an Arcade Machine found in a ditch and was a broken "Space Invaders" machine.
Area 51 employees had attempted to seclude an Arcade Machine, and attempt to find out its purpose. They reported mysterious properties.
History
Before we start: It has been rumored that Arcade Machines were the work of the game company Taito, as seen in the image of one of the original specimens you can see "Taito" trademarked on it. We do not have much information on it, but we are looking into the situation.
Original Space Invaders specimen from the first clone generation.
As said above, the first ever recorded sight of an Arcade Machine in 20000000 B.C, recorded by Diogenes. This was actually WAY after the first ever Arcade Machines were actually supposedly created. Anyways, in the documentation Diogenes said a man found what would be the first ever recorded Arcade Machine, which was a broken Space Invaders arcade machine found in a ditch. As such, the man showed his findings to the Roman Emperor. Disgusted by its futuristic technology, he ordered the man to be executed and the machine destroyed. According to Diogenes, this supposedly awoke a spirit named "Arcade1UP" which gained revenge by cloning the machine and spreading it in massive amounts around the world, however it seems it was slow because the revenge happened 10 years after the "original" specimen was destroyed.
The Noid manipulating a 4th generation Asteroids arcade to play his stupid Noid game.
As said above, the most common Arcade Machine ever is Space Invaders, a game about shooting pixel aliens with a gunner. However, the cloning was entirely natural and as such made slightly different variations of Space Invaders every generation, eventually turning to Arcade Pong and even evolving to the point of making entirely different video games AND video game compilations around 19999979 B.C. The world had enough and banished (if by banished I meant throw into a ditch where they were still alive when thrown in, then yes banished) all the Arcade Machines, never to be seen again.. that is, until 1999994 B.C, when a Super Mario Bros. Arcade Machine started appearing around the Roman Empire.
Ever since their Roman history, the Arcade Machines were strewn around the world until 1776 A.D when they found the United States of UnAmerica and stayed there. Due to their hypnotic properties they hypnotized the entire 80s and 90s kid population, and as such they are the only ones who know ANYTHING about Arcade Machines.
In 1962, The Noid modified Asteroids and invented the Arcade version of PIZZA Delivery GAME. He proceeded to destroy all Domino's Pizzas with it. He got sued for all his money by the mysterious shrouded inventor of the Arcade Machine. Very mysterious..
Anyways, the cronies at Area 51 decided to bring in a Super Mario Bros. Arcade Machine from around Roman times to test it with prisoners. They noted hypnotic properties and massive pain and possible heart attacks when playing. However, this is not the only recorded documentation of painful properties; as in 1980 a 17 year old kid suffered a heart attack after playing a 300th generation arcade machine called Berzerk! which was common in the 80s.
Ever since they were created, Arcade Machines were and STILL mysterious. Nobody but 90s and 80s kids know what it is about or who created them. You had to be there in the 80s or 90s to experience the pain and suffering from Arcade Machines, and you wouldn't live to tell the experience.
Trivia
- As said above, it was rumored that Taito created these species. This has been disputed.
- It was also rumored that arcade machines were only created in 1972, however this was a ploy made by Atari to gain a share over the market.
- Space Invaders was rumored not to be the first ever game to be on the arcade, however this has also been disputed.
- Arcade Machines can also clone into modern day video games in the form of their quote "Arcade Version". This explains why there was a Super Mario Bros. arcade.
- When we asked The Supreme Court to tell us anything about the Noid case, they refused and sent us to 8 hours of Community Service. Weird.
| Final Smash | Description | |
|---|---|---|
| Dude.. this is kinda.. hypno- hypnotizing.. | Arcade Machines release toxins equivalent to 300 death sentences when threatened. Causes immediate death. | |