Alessia Cara press photo 2015

Obligatory picture.

Alessia Cara is a Canadian Illuminati member recruited to replace Colbie Caillat because "Try" was getting old. How else would a stand-offish anti-social pessimist rise to superstardom?

Right now, she's employed as a singer, but she eventually wants to take over Canada and rule it from Italy. If you put the titles of Cara's most popular songs in the right order, they spell an ominous message: Scars Stay Here.

Contrary to popular belief, Cara is not related to Cara Delevingne, AND WISHES THAT EVERYONE WOULD STOP ASKING HER IF SHE'S RELATED TO CARA DELEVINGNE.

Relevant Rappers
Doja CatMegan Thee Stallion
Aging Relevant Rappers
Cardi BNicki Minaj
Relevant Non-rappers
Camila CabelloBillie EilishAriana GrandeHalseyDua LipaLizzo
Relevant but... they've had their time
Lana Del ReyLady GagaSelena GomezAlicia KeysDemi LovatoKaty PerryTaylor Swift
Somewhat Relevant
Lauren JaureguiAva MaxMaren MorrisNormaniSaweetie
Slightly Relevant but WHO?
Jhené AikoGabby BarrettMadison BeerGalxaraH.E.R.KehlaniRico NastyVickeeLo
Former Most Mainstream Relevants
AdeleBeyoncéMiley CyrusEllie GouldingPinkRihannaShakiraSiaMeghan Trainor
Former Mainstream Relevants
Anne-MarieChristina AguileraIggy AzaleaKelly ClarksonBecky GDayaJessie J
Carly Rae JepsenKeshaZara LarssonAvril LavigneCher LloydTove LoLorde
Melanie MartinezRita OraChristina PerriRachel PlattenBebe RexhaCarrie Underwood
Charli XCX
Former Hardly Relevants
Ally BrookeAlessia CaraNoah CyrusLauren DaigleDinah JaneTori KellyJulia Michaels
Queen NaijaSZATinashe
Fetus (Hardly) Relevants
Bhad BhabieJoJo SiwaGrace VanderWaal
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