Alchemy

With man this is impossible, but with Alchemy all things are possible.

—God

Edward Elric transmuting his metal arm's shape using Alchemy.

Alchemy is one of the powers invented by Pillar John Cena in 1216, 1 year after Magna Carta. It takes the souls of humans fighting WWI and uses them to do cool stuff like turn gold into lead, because NOBODY is crafting with gold (unless they are the pigman, but I digress and sidequest.)

Alchemy can also do rudimentary groundbending, airbending, waterbending, and firebending. The only thing you can't do with it is genderbending, because that requires the AU Machine or Rule 63 Machine, and transmutation on living things is HIGHLY FORBIDDEN! Besides that, transmutation sounds great, right? You can take an apple and turn it into a golden apple right? NO!!! That is FORBIDDEN as well! Actually, let me list out the Rules of Alchemy:

Rules of Alchemy

1. Do not transmute gold.
2. Do not act against the government.
3. Do not attempt human transmutation.

There's a secret 0th rule that states "Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost." but that's just a lie Edward made up so that he could have his cake, transmute a new cake, eat that cake, and have it too. But when doing Alchemy, you still have to follow the Rules of Stuff, because there's no getting past that.

Transmutation

Via Transmutation Circle

The most basic Transmutation Circle

So you want to turn lead into into gold? Sounds impossible, right? Well, take a page and a pen; draw a big circle. Then do little satanic squiggling in there and then you've got a Transmutation Circle! Isn't that neat? You apply some pressure and then BOOM! a thing happens and now you've committed a crime transmuted gold. Now there's lotsa circles that make lots of different types of spaghetti in Alchemy (if you know what I mean), and memorizing them all is like becoming a fulliron chef like Louie Vuitton. That's what separates the state alchemists from the county alchemists, and the county alchemists from the city alchemists. Think of it like learning Kanji. All alchemy requires a transmutation circle (unless you've done a human transmutation, then you no longer need it).

Via Human Transmutation

Human transmutation is a very evil act, even worse than WTF? BOOM!. Unless you want to be remembered as a creep who tried bringing their ex back to life to do weird creepy things with them, then don't, because everyone will think you tried to do that. If you still do a human transmutation, then you're going to be in for a surprise when you get your limbs/organs taken from you; that's the price you pay for playing God. Though, once you pay that price you also get to do transmutations with just your hands, no circles needed anymore.

Via Minecraft

An obscure way Steve found out how do transmutation is by abusing bugs and exploits in Minecraft. Usually these involve pistons, but he's also been able to do transmutation with inventory editors. Usually these kinds of transmutations aren't really useful except for changing the color of the sheets on his bed.

Alkahestry

Alkahestry is a weird messed up form of Alchemy made by Winnie the Pooh when he was in China. It basically is like Alchemy, but with minor healing magic added. The United States is the only country that forbids this kind of alchemy, because it would go against American ideals of making healthcare expensive and unaffordable. Not unless Obama is paying for it. Technically, Alkahestry is just WaAlchemy, but instead of giving souls back to World War I veterans it just steals takes energy from nuclear power plants instead. Not much is known about Alkahestry, but we know it uses its own transmutation circle.

Trivia

• The most famous people ever to abuse Alchemy were Edward Elric and Alphonse Elric.
  • Waluigi tries to copy them and use it himself, but usually transmutes his clothes into fire.
• Alchemy doesn't usually require an ⚗️, but for some things it does.
• The ruler of Alchemy lives in WHITESPACE, and looks like a white ripoff of you. No, really.
• The most common type of transmutation is the transubstantiation of bread and water into the flesh and blood of Christ.
• You can't use Alkahestry to get a finger back. Not even if you "give up" your appendix.