Booga-booga!
—Aku Aku, after being summoned from his wooden pen
It is I, Aku Aku. My duty is to protect you. You may summon me by breaking open these crates. Call me thrice and I shall grant you special powers.
—Aku Aku, introducing himself for the first time (please note that calling Aku Aku on the phone thrice won't protect you in a knife fight)
Aku Aku is a sapient, floating flat face (a "mask" for you ingrates) who serves as the subservient pawn to whatever Crash Bandicoot is currently planning on doing. He was created some time ago simply to prevent Crash from getting himself killed stupidly in the advent of unexpected nitro crate situations (better known as war crimes). Aku Aku frequently wonders why he was even commissioned when Crash already has an intelligent sister and big brother, which would usually ensure some level of common sense rubbing onto the bandicoot. Aku Aku personally believes that Wegner was wrong, and the bandicoot family is more dysfunctional than the Afton family.
Aku Aku was in the anniversary collab version thing of The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, simply because Crash is too stupid to hold his own without Aku Aku's intervention.
History[]
Creation[]
Aku Aku's inception takes its roots in the Neo-Cubism Gormless art movement taking place in North America admist the 19th century in Crash's continuing incompetence as a ruler of a country. Say what you will of Neo Cortex, but there's a reason why you never hear any controversies regarding Neo Cortex Rocks. The closest there is may be spats regarding whether the name should be read as, "Rocks of Neo Cortex" or "that Neo Cortex guy is CRAAAAAAAZY man!", but nobody cares about that. Crash, as a Great President of N. Sanity [1], he is just as ineffectual as he is orange. Previously, Dr N. Brio had successfully sequenced Crash with Short Beaked Echidna DNA. The effects of this experiment are too gruesome to even describe on a Fandom wiki. Dr. Nefarious Tropy glitchifying the east coast could've been completely avoided had Crash done something other than burping very loudly. Maybe some discipline was in order, but neither one of Crash's siblings wanted to do anything with his insanity (I meant N. Sanity!).
At first, it was believed a homunculus specifically designed to be as brutally aggresive as possible would make for a great coach partner. However, all that was created from this experiment was a pile of poisoned spaghetti. The next scheme was to just mooch off of someone else's work. It's such a shame Coco was unable to reconfigure Noo-Noo's dark matter-infused artificial "brain". Ultimately, the decision was made to commission a certain someone we will happily not disclose the name of to create the ideal mentor. Reportedly, some "friends from the other side" who were vindictive towards the Didney corporation for not putting them in the Didney parks used this as a trojan to escape to the outside world, meaning that when Aku Aku was created, a whole menagerie of ugly rip-offs came to be as well. Thankfully, nobody realised this in time for them to be exterminated, so now there are enough creepy masks out there to make even The Residents blush (and yet somehow, you still get people who can't bother to wear more than half of one...).
Getting to Know You[]
When Crash was introduced to Aku Aku, he was so happy he sanctioned a five-course gourmet feast! Too bad the main course was a fresh cassowary, and that the only gas ovens on N. Sanity were in Cortex Castle. Right before the cassowary gored Crash, Aku Aku stepped in... heh, funny. Crash might've been the one being attacked, but Aku Aku actually felt all the pain and damage the bandicoot would've felt at that exact moment. Seizing the opportunity, Crash spun into the cassowary to fling it at a TNT crate, deboning, defeathering, and cooking the bird to perfection. Horrified at the violence he saw almost immediately after his creation, Aku Aku swore to become a vegetarian for the rest of his life. Shame he can't even biologically eat nor digest food.
It was some time after this that Aku Aku met the scum of the UnWorld: one of his estranged brothers. Uka Uka skedaddled into Aku Aku's life when the two found themselves in an OMORI LARPing session thing being held in Duckopolis, kinda like that one Bob's Burgers episode where they go to the mansion. Things didn't go so well, and the two almost duked it out. The emcee disallowed this on the grounds of, "hurr durr The Ancients would not allow this". Exactly who these "Ancients" are is still up in the air. They may be the Ancient Geeks. Because of this, Aku Aku and Uka Uka decided to take it outside, only to subsequently dig themselves deeper and create a massive crater on the bank of Lake Phalange, Ducky Empire. Aku Aku swore to disassociate himself with his technical brother afterwards. Uka Uka was not satisfied, however, so he did a backwards search on Aku Aku to discover Crash's involvement. In order to "get even", Uka Uka now lives in the belfry of Castle Cortex, and descends onto N. Sanity Island every Halloween to summon duendes and ressurect Gilgamesh.
Siblings[]
Aku Aku technically has many siblings to his name. Here we will list some of them:
- Uka Uka - An incredibly petty twit who wants to kill Aku Aku for no reason whatsoever.
- The Quantum Masks - Four equally confounded siblings who have powers over the basic functions of physics... it's more mentally taxing than it sounds.
- Lani-Loli - The blue one. Because of a cosmic incident regarding the Statue of Doom and an Unbit he is now capable of telefragging people... at the cost of his mental health. He's just as skittish as Woody, or the living version of The Blue Man from The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom. My ELA teacher is gonna be real happy with that one.
- Akano - Was taken in at a young age by Zero Two to serve the Dark Matter menace. Is capable of literally destroying anything he touches.
- Kupuna Wa - Basically just Mama Odie from The Princess and the Frog but as a time master rather than a voodoo queen... oh, sorry. I meant to say "Godmother of the swamp".[2]
- Ika-Ika - They're conjoined twins who have control over gravity, except it's only the bad gravity powers where it's just 180° flipping which can send you flying/falling for all eternity if done wrong.
- Baku - An especially estranged relative who is always getting into fights with fast food staff (and Di Lung over chicken bis[cuit/que] at this French restaraunt). Has a deep hatred for Hank Hill.
Bioluminescense
Aku Aku just sorta glows in the dark. Unfortunately he gets instantly snubbed out should he be so much as breathed upon. It's not like it even sees much use outside of when Crash needs to reach the bathroom at midnight.
Bioluminescense
Aku Aku just sorta glows in the dark. Unfortunately he gets instantly snubbed out should he be so much as breathed upon. It's not like it even sees much use outside of when Crash needs to reach the bathroom at midnight.
References[]
- ↑ He can spin just like Crash!
- ↑ I'm STILL angry that Dr. Facilier wasn't in Tiana's Bayou Adventure, Didney!