Adolf's Toastler, or Hitoaster, is an evil as all Hell toaster brand from Hell that was made by Adolf Hitler's Clone in the 2010s due to a deal he made with Iosif Stalin in 1948.
Hitler's Clone had to make a bread burning machine for the Soviet Union and the People (actually just Stalin) would take ownership or else Stalin would steal all of his uncash. Hitler's Clone decided to prank Stalin by making the toaster an Adolf brand Hitler bread toaster made by the Soviet people.
On the outside, it looks like a normal toaster, but on the inside, it is a completely evil and completely Nazi death machine that will zap and kill and eat and murder and melt and burn 90 billion trillion degrees and nuke Communists 66 nonillion quintillion times. At least... that's what it was supposed to do.
Improving Supply Lines[]
Joseph Stalin, just little bit of time after WWII, needed a way to get more bread at the bread lines. There was a shortage of bread in the USSR which was 50% of the citizens' daily diet, the other 50% being potato. Joseph Stalin couldn't get his slaves the bread makers to make bread even faster because they were already at full efficiency, so he researched ways to save bread and found that eating lightly burnt bread makes poor people 54.71% more full and 219% more efficient.
To make a bread-burning tool he contacted Hitler's Clone, the former German Führer, to help make a bread burner thing or else he would send the Red Army back to invade Berlin and steal all of his monies. Hitler's Clone agreed to this because Stalin never said anything about a due date.
The Initial Idea[]
The clone wanted to make this thing for the USSR and Stalin to sabotage their reputation among the international community. This is because everyone would believe that the Communist dictator and Communist Union of nations were actually Fascist Nazis, Social Fascist Nazis, the special type of Fascists.
The thing would be called a "toaster," Hitler's Clone's original idea that was already made about 100 years prior by some guys called Alan and Albert. The product would be called Adolf's Toastler, yes, yes, a good name.
This idea would be the foundation of production.
Conglomerate Venture[]
Hitler's Clone contacted SEGA and Nintendo to make the advanced technological insides of Adolf's Toastler. Collecting all of the parts needed to make all of the technology inside is the reason why it took so long that Stalin died and got reborn. He needed Robotnik Industries to make Adolf's Toastler into a weapon of complete death and kill, which would be a secret to everyone. Here's a list of technological features of the safe Adolf's Toastler:
It turns bread into THIS!?!
- Super Speed bread toasting
- Sticking to walls and ceilings and everything
- Adaptive composite Stalinium-Hitleranium-Rooseveltium-Churchillium alloy armor shell
- Neighborhood scale air freshener
- Nuclear reactor for portable toasting
- Projectile reflecting armor
- Home defense Magnum
- Complete house integration
Deliverance Ordinance[]
The safe version of the Toastler would only be mass produced in Soviet Russia. The Robotnik Industries version would only be produced once.
It was an instant success because the Soviet Russian people needed a way to make their bread rations taste different and it tasted good. In other countries, the Toastler needed to be shipped with a shipping fee and its normal cost of Un$76,051, while Soviet Russians get it for free.
But the REAL reason Hitler's Clone made this was to push a button and asplode all of the Toastlers in Russia, killing all da Communists. It FAIL'D though, so when the unsafe version of the Toastler was done being manufactured, he released it in Russia (he gave it to Putin). He would try to make it asplode again but that was a FAILure again. So he gave up on terrorizing Russia.
Toastler Awaken[]
The Adolf's Toastler that was given to Putin, one day, randomly woke up, walked out of Putin's house, and started destroying everything it saw. It destroyed all of Moscow and killed hundreds of thousands and people. The Soviet Russian armed forces used all of its tanks and helicopters and boats to try to kill the Toastler, but it screeched something in German and orbitally bombarded all of the Soviet army.
Toastler Die[]
Knowing its mission was completed, it self-destructed, blowing up a lot of Soviet Russia.
Hitler's Clone heard about this during some meeting in a library somewhere and he celebrated so loudly, that Vlad Putin heard it and went to the library to steal Hitler's Clone's unmoney. Putin would use that money to rebuild all of Soviet Russia in 7 hours. So, Hitler's Clone got sad that his thing only destroyed Soviet Russia for only 7 hours.
Trivia[]
- That GIF appears in advertisements
- The asploded Toastler is planning in Hell... for some reason