Abraham Lincoln

Lincoln during his later years.

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Abraham Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln, also known as That Guy on the Penny, was a hat-wearing kick-ass seventeenth president of the United States of UnAmerica, one of the most infamous vampire hunters in history. Lincoln, and the inventor of stairs. He is mostly remembered for his honesty, loyalty, courage, wisdom, bloodlust, alcoholism, murdering, fancy hat, fancy beard, and his presidency. Abraham Lincoln currently resides in his small home in Washington DC.


Abraham Lincoln was born back when your grandpa was a little child, making Lincoln very old. Lincoln was born into poverty, which means he wasn't filthy stinking rich like Bill Gates. When Lincoln was a child, his parents struck him with a whip every time he misbehaved. It is believed this is why he was so civilized and orderly later in life. That's also believed to be the reason he freed the slaves.

Vampire Hunter

A photo during Lincoln's time as a vampire hunter.

But before he did that, Lincoln was a cold-blooded killer. He would walk around the street with an AK-47 that he kept stowed away in his hat (which explains why he had such a weird hat). Whenever Somebody angered him, he would pull out the weapon and blow Everybody away with a rat-a-tat-tat. This eventually got him in trouble with the police. Believe it or not, the police do not like when people do this.

Lincoln realized he needed to curb his homicidal tendencies, and decided he would kill people that Nobody would miss. Hobos were his first thought, but that was too obvious and not subtle enough. To fix this, he killed vampires instead. It turned out he was really good at killing vampires. The only vampire he couldn't kill was Count Blackula, and that's just because Lincoln wanted nothing to do with him. Lincoln destroyed enough vampires to earn him entry to a gameshow.

While on this gameshow, Lincoln proved himself a most worthy opponent. After four years of playing, he had won every single competition they could possibly present him with (even the one where he had to recite pi). This point is where he officially was recognized by historians as an Undefeatable. They eventually decided the only fitting reward would be to make him president of the world's fattest country. Even though this violated lots of laws, people thought it would be cool to have a vampire hunter as the president. Lincoln was the only person UnAmericans were allowed to vote for that year.

Lincoln Showdown

Linocln during the showdown. (artist's rendition)

Lincoln was president for a bunch of years. Then he decided to go the movie theater ("How dangerous can it be?"), and he got shot a total of 992 times to the head. He feigned death for more than a century, popping out for

Lincoln had one final adventure during the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny. When he heard the fighting, he assumed Batman was a vampire. He had no reason to think this, but he did. So he popped out of his grave, and used his AK-47 one last time. He eventually returned with a machete, but this plan did not work so well. Lincoln returned to his grave where he will sleep for another few millenia. Abraham Lincoln is also a famous Robloxian as he is a shapeshifter.


On June 18, 3902, Abraham Lincoln went to a concert featuring John Cena (a highly charitable Undefeatable). He killed Squidward Tentacles and King Pig, both of whom were Nazis.


Growing up, Lincoln was very mild-mannered and not at all a royal jerkface. As he grew up, he became a cold hearted killer and a royal jerkface. But he was always really honest and he had a cool beard. His beard is awesome, so we forgive him for being a royal jerkface. Oh, and he had a hat.

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