The 7 Koopa Hotels (better known as The Hotels of Evil) are seven magnificent disgusting hotels constructed by Bowser after he took over the Mushroom Kingdom. Of course all of these violating zoning laws; or rather, he did not get planning permission to build any of these from Peach. The princess is a permanent guest in one of them, but that doesn't matter since you're not helping anyone get to her. These are all mostly managed by the Koopalings. It's funny because it is Hotel Mario.
The amount of stars is the same as the number of the hotels, making first the worst second the best a mediocre one etc etc.
1st Hotel[]
This hotel SUCKS!
Pretty bad still. I mean, I don't expect anything more from 2 stars.
Classic design for a classic 3rd rate hotel, being from before color was invented.
Now we're talking! :D
The average 5 star hotel.
This hotel looks UN. REAL.
The mightiest hotel of them all! Bowser's!
The worst, most EVIL of them all is the first hotel. The absolute worst place to stay by far. Let me just describe to you the mille of problems:
- There are loud AC units that, when you turn it on and it only lowers the stuffy room by about 20 degrees, DURING THE WINTER. If you try and turn it on during the summer it overheats and starts making the room warmer by 20 degrees! The machine just does not work. It doesn't! If you want to die you turn this thing on. Simple as that.
- Heating? Nope. There is no heating here because there's no ventilation. You will just have to die during the night of the cold. By extension you will also suffocate to death because there's not any oxygen in the rooms. So good luck with breathing air, like the person you are.
- Eternal drafts happen everywhere under the doors. It's like you open a door of the heatstroke room and then the frostbite room instantly converts it like some kind of hell valley. You'll get whiplash from the constant changes of temperature.
- Breakfast isn't a thing here. I'd rather starve to death than be the fed bugs and spiders they call breakfast.
Overall 1/5 stars. Terrible. You will die here.
2nd Hotel[]
This one has a weird smell that emanates the place, but not as bad as none of the previous badnesses are here. Like the AC work and is more quiet, there's some level of heating and this time breakfast is made of just strawberries. There are weird stains on the mattresses and bed sheets (get da hint?) and there's some black mold growing under the toilets turning them into Mementos Toilets. You also have COLOR TV, which is cool! 2/5 stars. Sorry Mario but your money is better spent in another hotel.
3rd Hotel[]
An average hotel. Everything you need is there, but not with any of the luxuries of the next 4, or any of the downsides of the previous 2. A night here is what you expect from a hotel, and the price just the same. Whatever Koopa Kid made this one, good on you. 3/5 stars.
4th Hotel[]
This one is cool because it's the hotel Johnny from The Shining killed a bunch of people in. He might still be there so it's a thrill staying and seeing if he kills you too! 4/5 stars, scarier and more thrilling than Slender Man! Has all the other basic stuff hotels have, but the famousness makes it 1 star gooder! Moving forward all the goodness of the previous ones are carried forward. For some strange reason people call this one "Block Paradise".
5th Hotel[]
It's a 5 star hotel. Nothing much.
6th Hotel[]
There are 6 pools in this 6 star 6th hotel, and a spa and all the amazing things you expect. Very expensive, but you'll enjoy your time here as time is money, and money is power, and power is... Power is in the tongue. sure. You might say 6 star hotels don't exist, they don't. But, if your hotel don't have an air fryer, it's not 6 stars.
7th Hotel[]
The final hotel, Bowser's Luxary Suite Life of Zack & Cody Hotel is the best hotel out of the seven, with escorts and femboys galore. All the goodness in the universe and all your desires fulfilled by Bowser's hotel staff. It costs 400,000 dollars, to stay in this Koopa Hotel, for 12 seconds. You'll really like it here if your rich.
The End of Koopa Hotelion[]
Koopa Hotelion fell; it fell like how all great nations fall, from the inside. From the inside of, one of the 7 Koopa Hotels lay the Princess Toadstool, her being a prisoner of war(io). King Bowser's conquests upon the Mushroom Kingdom with his fierce and unbeatable soldiers were victorious against the incompetent slaves of Peach, it's complete and utter seizure by the Koopa Empire was a thing to be celebrated.
In matters of course, stupid Mario fellow and his boingo brozza LUGII would receive a handwritten letter from Bowser priding himself off on his triumph. He centided (as opposed to decided) he would hide the princess somewhere other than his labyrinth of a castle. As per why to her location was inside one of the labyrinths that were his castle? The UnAnything Team does not understand to this day.
So it be so, with the princess captured by evil grit of the malicious Koopa King, on March 3rd of 1949, the Mario Brothers would set their boots on a journey to conquer the hotels to bring back and recapture the rightful ruler of the Mushroom Land. To briefly summarize the events, they manifested the power of implode utilizing a lot of bombs, to completely, and totally: eat his house and home from the outside in. For the first 3 hotels, this was an easy task, easier than being sus on Among Us. The Mario Brothers were already skills demolitionists through their years on various different demolition sites throughout Brooklyn. But when push came to shove, the third star hotel was akin to a 40 mile per hour wind on a cold winters night. The foundation was made from Bedrock, one of the most invincible foundations in existence. Though, unlike in Minecraft, this bedrock was breakable. And so it be for the rest of the hotels, felled one by one by one, except for the seventh.
The beloved 5 and 6 star hotels were in ashes, the stench of ashes permeated through the walls; the world and it's reality reached the King, all of his penetrable and impenetrable suites hath been abolished. They were after his last, and they were after the princess. The one and only, permanent guest. Let the ending speak for itself:
Hotel Mario- Final Boss