Ever thought about taking drugs?
—Hip Choice, at the beginning of his PSA
The Dead-Eyed Dealer, or more formally, Hip Choice, is a mysterious being who hails from somewhere in the downtown district of Canada. Descriptions of him vary significantly, but people who have sighted him tend to describe him as a lanky man with dirty blond hair, a black jacket, and a blue sweater. He often wears sunglasses as well, but removes them when his victims get too close (or rather, close enough). Gazing into his eyes causes "disastrous consequences to the psyche," according to Psychonauts.
He primarily deals in the UnUniverse's boat-load of drugs, from Lean to illegally-obtained Normal Pills, sometimes spiked with concentrated Hyper-Realistic Blood. He seems to have near infinite access to them, and we have no clue where he's getting all of it from. We haven't seen a single supplier, not even a rogue criminal offering them to him. Despite his illegal pastime, he is morally good and willing to help others. He offers actual therapy to people who refuse his offers.
Sightings
Hip Choice offering drugs to two puppet children.
Hip Choice was first sighted in the year 1993, in which he was seen in an alleyway, making a deal with Chris McLean. Nothing was exchanged, besides the mere knowledge of "the purple stuff" or "grape juice" (both street names were invented by Hip Choice himself). Also in 1993, he starred in a public service announcement produced by Concerned Children's Advertisers known as "Hip Choice", in which he played the role of a drug dealer (literally just him). It was a critical success, and also where he earned his name.
Nowadays, if you find him in an alleyway somewhere, just know you made a wrong turn. He has been blessed with a pocket dimension of his own, known as the "Ghetto Labyrinth". He lives here because he got evicted from The Backrooms by RobotnikClause himself after finding him there during an outing. He did get a promotion for keeping millions of Canadian children off of drugs, though, so it wasn't all bad.
Goth Affiliation
The year was 2010, and Hip Choice met a young, monochrome person in the alleyway of a weirdly-busy pizza place, who was selling ROM hacks of various shames. He decided to purchase a modified copy of Pokémon Wack, before noticing how the seller seemed to have a business card badly hidden under the cartridge. "Goths? Is this a group or just the whole subculture?" Hip Choice asked, with Camera-San saying the former. He decided to join then and there, and now is a proper Goth.
Trivia
- Hip Choice is a member of the Goths, and ambassador of the CCA (despite the fact it's literally run by children).
- He might be Gremmie's dad.
- He might be Nick Nack's dad, too. We're not sure who the mother is, but the main theory is that he had a one-night stand with Gloria Von Gouton
- Only a few people are immune from the Horror Show effect when you stare into his eyes.
- Despite his eyes looking like they came out of a meat grinder, Hip Choice is actually able to see.
- He kind of looks like Gordon Ramsay.
- Hip Choice has OVER 9000 exes. Some include:
- Gloria Von Gouton (his favorite girlfriend)
- Penny (didn't last long, she was too stupid)
- Dora Smarmy (we don not talk about it)
- Besides being a dealer, he's also a getaway driver, a backup guitarist, and a somewhat talented painter.
- Sachiko Shinozaki likes staring into his eyes
- he is good friends with Yoshie Shinozaki
- Dabura wants him dead, idk why